In 37 countries around the world, it is illegal
for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child, and 113 countries
prohibit corporal punishment in schools. Yet in all of North America, physical
punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as
necessary discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists,
sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously
consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important
reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End
Punishment of Children (EPOCH), is that "all people have the right to
protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too.
1. Hitting children teaches them to become
hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a
direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or
violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most
dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is
nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation
and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the
responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.
2. In many cases of so-called "bad
behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given
his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are:
proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise,
and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need
is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children
receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too
distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with
patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for
responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this
reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly
unjust.
3. Punishment distracts the child from learning
how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John
Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its
tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and
fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more
effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns
little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.
4. Punishment interferes with the bond between
parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who
hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise
only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good
behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough
to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently,
bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.
5. Many parents never learned in their own
childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment
does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of
alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous
actions against the child.
6. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely
expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the
sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to
parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment
may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always
at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters
adolescence and early adulthood.
7. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in
childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and
sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking
wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this
confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention
except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and
pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little
self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see
"The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).
8. Even relatively moderate spanking can be
physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock
waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence
of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in
childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage
from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed
medical complications.
9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and
unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to
hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are.
The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller
children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those
less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will
hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an
emotionally fulfilling life.
10. Because children learn through parental
modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate
way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent
solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to
learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues
into the next generation.
Gentle instruction, supported by a strong
foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about
commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially
"good" behavior based only on fear.
source:natural child.org
No comments:
Post a Comment